Daily Life, Relationships

Do you say yes – when you actually mean no?

March 13, 2016

I’m totally on overdrive at the moment. Sydney life is busy. I didn’t notice that I was hitting the wall until the other day my lovely freediving coach, who is not even in the same country, emailed me the other day and said, “are you okay, I see you are online a lot and not sleeping so much?”.

Nail on the head. TRUE. Guilty.

I am not sleeping so much. My mind is full of thoughts, about James’s hip, him not being able to work, it is taking its toll.  I started a new job, which I am settling into, (but you know when you start and you have to think of EVERYTHING, like how to work the photocopier, and who are the cat people, that sort of thing). Getting my tattoo was a big deal which led to mass parental disappointment and I had a lot on at the time. Articles due. A month of full-time work. A picture book bubbling away that I am guilty every day for not starting. Organising Vietnam and travel stories. Weddings, engagements. The list goes on.

No one is dying and I fully accept that this is first world busy shit that I am complaining about.

So when I busy and stressed, you would think that I would LET PEOPLE WORRY ABOUT THEIR OWN SHIT?


Not only do I say YES to ALL things but then I go and VOLUNTEER to do MORE things, creating my own hole.

In the past month I have, offered up the following.

  • Had a podcasting idea that I want to start with another blogger, and nearly almost started it until sense told me to wait until life settles down.
  • Offered to lend my friend my wedding earrings, even though she did not even ASK in the first place, (her saying yes would involve me going half way across Sydney to collect them of another friend who borrowed them last.)
  • Offered to visit my mate in Melbourne, even though we have no cash, or time.
  • Offered to grocery shop for my friend who just had a baby, noting the above limitations, (and that friend can probably afford home delivery).
  • Offered everyone who just had a baby that James would go around immediately and take photos of said baby even though he can’t walk, move or bend at the moment.
  • Offered to clean up after a wedding. Who the fuck does that? Why the fuck did I do that? (Thank goodness my friend said no.)
  • Offered to edit a little free magazine I sometimes write for. This would be voluntary for a little bit, and I am currently still considering it, because I think it would be a good experience to grow the magazine. (Currently on hold – awaiting more information about the time committment.)
  • Promised I will trek half way across Bali, to visit a friend who is living there on my 7 day holiday, adding 6 hours of travel time and cutting two days off my freediving training.
  • Offered to help set up an engagement party, instead of just turning up for fun like everyone else.

So right now, I am trying to slooowwww down before I just jump and offer myself up to everything and anything.

I need to focus on me, and The Ginger Hunk.

Like he said, can’t look after him if I don’t look after me.

Why do you think I say YES AUTOMATICALLY to so many things?

Do you say YES when you actually mean NO? 

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Happy Sunday 

Ashleigh XXX

Linking up with My Home Truths for #IMUSTCONFESS 


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  • Yes yes yes. I do this all the time. Like today I volunteered to do canteen duty at the last minute because they were stuck… even though I had a gazillion things to do. I’m slowly learning how to say no but it’s hard when you’re a natural born people pleaser kinda person. Xx

  • My hubster always wanted to write a book about one of our previous cats, it would be called “Following Tigger” – following him from nap to meal to nap to lying in the sun to nap – because we would probably all enjoy life more if we were following Tigger, and not be so stressed!

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths

    OMG you sound like me Ashleigh.Why DO we say yes when we really should be saying no????

  • I say yes to so many things. Too many things. LOL. I’m trying though … I’m trying …

  • Yes, I used to say YES to everything … until I got so sick and tired that I just couldn’t cope with it all. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much more selective about who and what I say YES to – and NO is creeping into my vocabulary a lot more often 🙂

  • Oh I used to, a lot! Now I catch myself because I’m trying so hard not to overcommit.

    • There was a time there when someone asked me for lunch and there was not a free weekend for two months, I thought to myself this is not life?

  • This was me up until about 18 months ago. Then health issues meant I pretty much had to say no to everything. I’m back to trying to find the perfect balance but definitely getting better at picking and choosing my battles and what I end up saying yes to.

    • I need to do this, otherwise it will lead to health issues. Rest is as important as doing everything else.

  • Minted Rogue

    I so do this. Especially at work. I just want to seem useful.

  • I think you need a translator next to you at all times.. translation… from yes: Means….No sorry i feel bad even though I shouldn’t but I am just to freaking tired and sometimes not tired but busy and sometimes not busy but feel obligated and possibly said yes to avoid what I really want and should be doing.. or you could just not offer and say no… Stop saying YES already OK!! xx

  • Cecelia Trncza

    This is my life. I’m rather agreeing to do stuff I don’t want to or I find myself offering to do things when I’m up to my neck in it. I’ll walk away yelling YOU MORON to myself. Maybe it’s a desire to feel useful or a need to pretend to have myself toether in check enough to be able to help out. I dunno. But you’re not alone.

  • Carly

    I do this all the time. I work FIFO (3 weeks on, 1 week off) and in my week off I tell everyone and anyone I’m free to catch up. Before I know it my week is up and I’m back on the plane heading to site wondering why the hell I didn’t rest and have even just one day to myself.

    • Oh gosh, I can understand you wanting to make the most of your time. In the past I used to book my weekends up so far in advance I then would run around like an idiot and go back to work feeling SMASHED. Now I try to have no plans on one of the days. Perhaps you can book out 3 of your week off as sacred YOU days. No plans unless you feel like it on the day?