I’m totally on overdrive at the moment. Sydney life is busy. I didn’t notice that I was hitting the wall until the other day my lovely freediving coach, who is not even in the same country, emailed me the other day and said, “are you okay, I see you are online a lot and not sleeping so much?”.
Nail on the head. TRUE. Guilty.
I am not sleeping so much. My mind is full of thoughts, about James’s hip, him not being able to work, it is taking its toll. I started a new job, which I am settling into, (but you know when you start and you have to think of EVERYTHING, like how to work the photocopier, and who are the cat people, that sort of thing). Getting my tattoo was a big deal which led to mass parental disappointment and I had a lot on at the time. Articles due. A month of full-time work. A picture book bubbling away that I am guilty every day for not starting. Organising Vietnam and travel stories. Weddings, engagements. The list goes on.
No one is dying and I fully accept that this is first world busy shit that I am complaining about.
So when I busy and stressed, you would think that I would LET PEOPLE WORRY ABOUT THEIR OWN SHIT?
Not only do I say YES to ALL things but then I go and VOLUNTEER to do MORE things, creating my own hole.
In the past month I have, offered up the following.
- Had a podcasting idea that I want to start with another blogger, and nearly almost started it until sense told me to wait until life settles down.
- Offered to lend my friend my wedding earrings, even though she did not even ASK in the first place, (her saying yes would involve me going half way across Sydney to collect them of another friend who borrowed them last.)
- Offered to visit my mate in Melbourne, even though we have no cash, or time.
- Offered to grocery shop for my friend who just had a baby, noting the above limitations, (and that friend can probably afford home delivery).
- Offered everyone who just had a baby that James would go around immediately and take photos of said baby even though he can’t walk, move or bend at the moment.
- Offered to clean up after a wedding. Who the fuck does that? Why the fuck did I do that? (Thank goodness my friend said no.)
- Offered to edit a little free magazine I sometimes write for. This would be voluntary for a little bit, and I am currently still considering it, because I think it would be a good experience to grow the magazine. (Currently on hold – awaiting more information about the time committment.)
- Promised I will trek half way across Bali, to visit a friend who is living there on my 7 day holiday, adding 6 hours of travel time and cutting two days off my freediving training.
- Offered to help set up an engagement party, instead of just turning up for fun like everyone else.
So right now, I am trying to slooowwww down before I just jump and offer myself up to everything and anything.
I need to focus on me, and The Ginger Hunk.
Like he said, can’t look after him if I don’t look after me.
Why do you think I say YES AUTOMATICALLY to so many things?
Do you say YES when you actually mean NO?
Why do we do this to ourselves?