The darkness overtakes me sometimes.
I think I am an awful person.
Fat. Useless. Nothing. Nobody.
I hate my job. It is not what I am meant for. I don’t know what I am meant to do instead.
I compare myself to others; how did she get that thin?
How did they afford that house/ holiday/ car?
Our apartment is not big enough. We will never have enough money.
Why am I so far behind everyone else?
I look at my friends with children.
I am both completely envious yet at the same time exhilarated and grateful that my life is still mine and I can do what I please.
I feel like time is slipping away from me each day and I haven’t got ‘there’ yet.
Although I am not quite sure where ‘there’ is.
Sometimes I feel like I am winning.
I am fit and healthy.
I am loved by friends and family.
I am bubbly, happy and smart.
I am a dreamer yet I conquer my goals.
I watch the sunrise over the ocean and walk with the sand between my toes.
I am married to a man who works with supermodels yet I wake next to him feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world.
I see his eyes sadden when the darkness takes over me.
There have been more dark days of late.
I know the light will come again.