On Love and Marriage

August 22, 2016

Love and marriage, love and marriage… I’ve been pondering such questions in the last few days. We are going through a wedding season of sorts. All kinds of marriages! New love marriages where the couple has been together for a few years. Old love marriages where the couple has been together, had two children and decided to get married after 10 years. And medium marriages, of couples in between.

On top of the wedding spurt, I’ve had mates who have had babies to partners, (non-married), who have told me that marriage doesn’t mean as much to them anymore, now they have children. As a non-parent married person I’ve always really wanted the commitment of marriage before I even thought about children. In fact, The Ginger Hunk and I actually forgot to have the children conversation when we met. I was just like YES. YES. YES. This is the Ginger Hunk for me. Five years on, I would perhaps do my wedding day a little differently, but would I want to stand up and commit to the Ginger Hunk in front of everyone we love again?


I agree that children is perhaps the ultimate commitment in life (as you can never get rid of them, like you can do a bad husband) but it’s not the only commitment. Relationships stand outside of a parenting partnership. The wedding I witnessed on Saturday was such a beautiful explosion of love, even after the trials of parenting and journeying through life for ten years. The wedding ceremony and vows were a testament to the couple, their love, the ups and downs, quirks and enduring qualities. We all felt like a community, part of their journey to this point. Very different to newer couples, who haven’t been on that ride yet, nor built their tribe of supporters, but are promising to get through it no matter what. Equally exciting promises I think, which ever way you look at it.

marriage married newlyweds love adorable

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  • I refused to have kids before we got married- now I wonder why I was so adamant about it. Having children and buying property has felt more binding in many ways than our wedding vows, though the party at the wedding was much more enjoyable than signing for a loan.

  • Hugzilla

    LOL my partner and I joke that we did everything backwards – got dogs, bought cars, bought houses and had kids. The only thing we haven’t done is get married, and that’s mostly because I’m not bride material and have zero interest in planning or having a wedding. As far as we’re concerned we’ve made a series of big commitments to each other so we don’t really need a wedding certificate to validate that. I totally get why people get married, I’m just not really that motivated to do it!

  • It’s interesting. I’ve been married twice, and while it is important to me I don’t think it’s a necessity. I’ve learned over the years that the commitment comes with or without a ceremony or certificate. Having said that, I don’t regret being married, and would remarry my now husband again in an instant.

  • I love being married, and I’m glad we did it before the kids came along. One of my best friends got married when her daughter was 2 and she said afterwards that she really wished they’d gotten married before so she didn’t have to worry about her all day and could have really let loose more than she was able to. For Dave and I it was definitely a chance to have a big party and celebrate our relationship. We also used it as an opportunity to thank our parents for all their years of love and support, it was a real family affair.

  • Haven’t been to a wedding in yonks! I love being married to my hubster, I do think that “piece of paper” adds an element of security and for somebody like me that grew up in an extremely dysfunctional unstable family, security is wonderful!

  • I am not married, I really wanted to be married before we had kids but my partner had different ideas. Our comprise was that the children have my surname.

    • It is hard isn’t it when one partner wants something else. But that is the success of marriage or a partnership anyway… compromise!

  • Oh, how I loved our wedding day! For me, it was about celebrating the biggest part of my life. We’d celebrated birthdays and milestones and all sorts of other things – why shouldn’t we celebrate the fact that we were in LUUUURVE and have a massive party?! Making the commitment just felt right, too. Thanks for sharing the post. #teamIBOT

  • Our wedding was a massive party, which is what we wanted. There was no question of our commitment to each other- it was just a great way to mark it and declare it in front of our loved ones. Looking back, I wish we’d made more of a a statement about marriage equality in there.

  • We got married after child number one arrived – a very small gathering at a pub in The Rocks. I’d do it again in a flash! And preferably not be breastfeeding so I could properly enjoy myself ;).

  • LydiaCLee

    This is interesting – I’d not really thought about it (at least not in a long time). I would like it if our country would get out of the pocket of the ACL and govern for Marriage Equality…

  • I love a good wedding and am always desperately trying to marry off my friends so I can go to more! For me, marriage was all about our relationship, both celebrating our relationship and committing to it. Sure we could still celebrate and commit to our relationship without the big party and the pink dress, but I think the ritual, the ceremony and the celebration was a life defining moment for both of us. It’s certainly held us in good stead for riding the rollercoaster of ups, downs and everything else inbetween. I love marriage so much, I’m with you, I’d renew our vows in a heartbeat!

  • I will admit I’ve always been iffy about marriage…I’d be happy in a defacto relationship. Mr Imperfect is the one who wants the whole marriage tradition but I’m perfectly fine without it. Then again, I do wonder whether there’s a commitment-phobe somewhere deep inside me. Funny coincidence — I have a wedding to go to this weekend up in the Hunter. Yay for all the wine! 😀