Before any big change in my life my body just shuts down. It’s so weird. I find I am sleeping less, go into over eating chocolate mode and get some kind of infection. This week I’ve been hit with a kidney infection (worsened by me taking the wrong antibiotics) and it’s two weeks before I pack up my life and head to Bali for six weeks. I feel I have so much to do. And I’m getting nervous, with all those stupid negative what am I doing with my life voices in my head. Am I even good enough a free-diver to dedicate my leave to this? What’s the point?
The actual point is that there is not point. We all just have to do the things we enjoy. That is what I am working out anyway.
The last six months of life have left me a bit scarred actually. I put all my hopes into the hip replacement, thinking that the recovery would be so fast. I underestimated that we are dealing with three years of trauma and pain. I underestimated that this would be the easy part. We, and I and he is still recovering. Ginger Hunk is meeting me in Bali in week three. I think it will be great for us to not have a conversation about work, money, recovery, hips and pain. To just be in the ocean with each other again.
Life could be a lot worse. I know that. I know I’m damn lucky. I’m one of the lucky ones to be able to do all this.
But I’ve been really in a ‘pushing’ phase of life. Getting things done. Working hard. Ignoring my creative voice. So much so, that the messages are now coming to me loud and clear. I can’t ignore that there is something that I am meant to be doing for much longer. Words. Phrases. Learnings. I’m still trying to work out what it all means. My therapist said five weeks of swimming down a rope into the ocean is probably the best thing I can do for my anxiety at the moment. Breath work. A simple life. Meditation. Taking some time out. And then coming back to a brand a new job! But I’ll tell you about that later. Right now it’s all preparing. The last work drinks, the last hair cut, the last shop, the last GP visit.
So freaking nervous but so freaking excited.
Much Love, Ashleigh