The Ex Man Friend & The Succubus

I used to have an overabundance of man friends around. One by one, they have all fizzled into the nether land.  Frequent dinners, coffee and drinks dwindled into yearly birthdays, then engagement parties… then… nothing.

Once married, they disappeared completely, never to be seen or heard from again.

One ex man friend recently had a baby. Well his wife did. So I thought this would be the opportunity to put the olive branch out and try to reconnect with my old pal.

My text said

“Hi (insert ex man friends name) congratulations to you and (insert wife’s name) on the birth of your beautiful baby girl, she is absolutely gorgeous. James and I are going to Thailand next month but we would love to see you both and the baby whenever you are up for visitors.  I miss you and hope you are well and happy.”

His reply

“Thanks Ash. Really good feeling. Have fun in Thailand.”

Nada. Nothing.  Zilch. No love my way in return.


I was talking to my trusty girlfriends about this phenomena the other evening, and I realised I was not the sole sufferer of the man friend phantom.

Together we came up with a few theories.

The man friend is happy with his new life/lady and has no emotional space for other women in his life anymore. Now, one woman is enough for him and sayonara to his previous lady friends. As my wise sister said, sometimes you are friends for a time, not a lifetime. And my time has now passed.

 Or, the new partner could be a succubus.  This possibility was alerted to be by my husband (who has a lot of lady friends by the way.)

According to WIKIPEDIA ‘succubus is a female demon or supernatural entity in folklore (traced back to medieval legend) that appears in dreams and takes the form of a human woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. The male counterpart is the incubus. Religious traditions hold that repeated sexual activity with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or even death.’

My husband says, when a man is in a relationship with a succubus, she takes over his life completely. She is crazy jealous. She forbids him to ever fraternise with the opposite sex again, and crushes his capacity to socialise without her, especially with lady friends. The succubus has your (now ex) man friend booked up for months on end, taking him on coffee dates with her friends and spending  full days of the weekend in Babyology and Ikea.

Your man friend previously liked going for a surf? Or to the gym? Or cycling? Forget it. He and the succubus only partake in joint activities now. A man dating or married to a succubus can say goodbye to having his own life/ interests /friends/time alone ever ever again.

The last theory hurts, but it is possible that you were not actually as good friends as you thought you were. You thought you were buddies for life. But really, he was just hanging out with you until something or someone better came along. And it did.

I don’t actually know what has happened to (ex) my man friend out of the above three theories.

I just hope after fifteen years of friendship that he is good/well/happy.

Can men and women ever truly remain buddies?

Or, is their only enough room for one woman in a man’s life?




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