A Childfree Life, Musings of sorts, Relationships

When You’re No Longer Needed

March 20, 2016

I put myself in the ‘single’ zone when it comes to friendships. I’m available. (Possibly too available.) In fact, I have a hard time saying no to most things, as I have previously explored. The Ginger Hunk and I are not a coupley couple. Indeed we are in love, but we take on separate interests, and encourage each other to do so. I have no desire to jump of cliffs, he has no desire to do yoga or endurance events. So when The Ginger Hunk’s hip is in fine form (which it ain’t at the moment), we do our separate activities most weekends.

This leaves me available to my girlfriends, to be around for stuff. Being childfree, and not scheduled up with catch-ups, dinners, (and all that shit we stopped doing a long time ago) I guess I am more available than most.  But something is shifting in the air, and I’m feeling a little lonely. I feel like I’m no longer needed. I listened to this Podcast by Amy E Smith the other day, and a few things rang a bell. Particularly the part about your emotions being like a bank. People make withdrawals then deposits, if you’re lucky.

I’ve realised that while people are not withdrawing, there are not many deposits being made in my emotional bank account. While I would be the one that people would call for advice, after dates or what not, once entering the couple/parenting zone I seem to be forgotten. I’m not single, so I don’t get asked out with the single girls, or on the mothers lunch dates. This leaves me in la-la-land in the thirty something world that is pronatalist Sydney.

But hey, I’m still here, as a human in this world. Don’t forget I’ve been a child one, and have parents.

I’ve travelled, studied, and seen a lot of shit that qualifies me to give some advice on some shit, right?

Apparently not. (As someone said to me this week.)

Most of all in the forgotten zone, I wish someone would stop and ask me how I am. When I’m listening to baby talk, relationship troubles, how about asking what is happening in my world? Or taking the time to call to ask, just out of the blue?  It hasn’t been easy to have a partner off work, battling Department Of Veteran’s Affairs, chewing through savings and putting his career on hold. Being on the other side of that is taking its toll. But like life, we all have our shit to navigate through.

So, I wanted you to know that I’m still here, as I always will be.

Don’t you want to know how I am?

Plodding along trying to make sense of this murky adult life.

Like we all are.

Ashleigh XXX

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  • Ah yes, I hear you. And I think the older you get the harder it is to find friends, and more importantly, friends that get you. I’m very grateful for the friends I have in real life and also for the friends in my computer. I have big listening ears… and I’m only an email or coffee away. Just sayin’!

  • Ok…we are seriously twins. I could have written this post. I hear you Ash…and you know what, without sounding stalker-ish, I’m going to make an effort to call you {I just remembered we exchanged numbers!}. I know we live on two ends of the city but given that we are in a similar space, it might help. It really sucks being a listener sometimes and not having anyone ask you how you are doing. Sometimes, I think people forget that just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean we don’t go through struggles of our own. They may be different, but they are still struggles.

    On a different note, if you’re not doing anything on Easter Sunday, care to join me for a hike in the Royal National Park? It’s not a very tough one and has beautiful scenery.

  • xxoo It comes with the “not saying no” problem as you covered (i love saying no) . Standing back watching you do all the amazing things you do, it would be easy to assume you don’t need anyone or anything. I’m in the middle zone too.. not a mumsy mum that likes doing all things kids and not single and not couply to the point of being joined at the hip, not a serious blogger so underestimated in my ability…. It can be a lonely place but know you’re the bomb. Move to melb and we’ll hang out and i’ll ask you heaps of advice and listen back.

  • I’m listening – if you don’t mind hanging wiht a middle aged mama like me 😉