I haven’t felt like this in months. A year even.
My teeth are grinding and I have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It started as a little nudge that things were not right and I hoped that things would improve. But no. I really hit the wall last week, and my mental health went downhill and fast. I wasn’t sleeping when I did I was having nightmares. I found myself sitting at my desk at work frozen.
I found myself bawling in the GP’s office last Thursday morning, asking him if I was going mad. I explained what was going on at work and life and he agrees that it’s a shit of a time for me at the moment. Someone prone to anxiety like me, needs to take extra care of themselves. So he has given me till this Wednesday off work. He actually advised me to take more, due to the state of me, but I have so many meetings on, it would make things more difficult.
I will see how I go in the next few days.
In all of this, coming up to Christmas, The Ginger Hunk’s surgery (and subsequent not much income) I feel trapped. But I have realised that my job has turned into a bad relationship and that it might be time for me to leave. I am sticking out and I am not sure why. It does not love me back, besides the funnel of money that it gives me every fortnight. It does not give me pleasure, nor recognition, nor excitement, (like it once did.)
Like being in a bad relationship, I waited for things to change for sometime. A change of staff, change of workplan and spring, brought with it the opportunity for a new leaf. Yet I feel that now things are probably worse than ever, unplanned, under-resourced, chaotic.
While the money is good, I personally have realised that I cannot put myself through this for another year. It’s time for a change.
And when you are staying in a bad relationship, you do not leave yourself open to wonderful opportunities that might be around the corner.
Bring them on I say.
Anyone got a job for me?
Ashleigh XXX
